I actually took those pills. I took them, and waited. I thought it would be much harder. A lot of tears and pain. But it wasn't like that. At all. I just held them in my hand, took a breath, and swallowed them. Done. It wasn't hard. It wasn't heartbraking. It felt strangly ok actually. But I guess, when you've planned something for a while, it isn't hard to go through with it.
But now I'm sitting here. Writing this. Alive. I didn't die. And.. to be honest.. I don't regret it. I only regret one thing. I only have anxiety because of one thing.
I'm not dead. I didn't die of those pills. And that's harder to process than if I wouldn't have taken those pills.
My friends and relatives can't say that I've killed myself. The only thing that can be said, by anyone, is me saying that I've attempted suicide. Cause I didn't comitt. And that hurts me. More than anything.